TODAY IT HAS BEEN SIX YEARS....WOW  / Allison Anderson (Mother)

SON;

TODAY IT HAS BEEN SIX YEARS AND IT IS VERY HARD TO BELIEVE.

I miss you so much Son you wouldnt believe it and it just feels like yesterday. Amanda is doing okay she is having a hard day and is so dedicated to you and missing you. Neisha is going thru a bitter divorce and she is pulling thru okay but it is very hard on all of us. Especially the 3 little kids. Rae-rae and Trace the both have your colored hair and Takoda and Trace are so atheletic like you used to be and would you love to play basketball with them all the kids talk about you all the time as if they have known you forever.

I am going to the bridge today and to the gravesite to put flowers with Amanda. I know you would be so proud of her. Neisha and Amanda have lost alot of weight and they both look great very pretty sisters. They both are working so hard just to make ends meet. Well mom is having alot of things going on. My dad as I am sure you know is very sick. And we rarely hear from him and when we do well Linda is always running her mouth we never can talk  to him with out her. She has really been a devil for this family and I am sure Mom is watching everything and listening to all the white lies. But enough about them.

It has been very hard on your Mom as I miss you so much and there isnt a day that my heart doesnt cry for you. Most people will never know this pain but I am surviving till it is my time to meet with you and my Mom. I know you are in hers and Gods hands and are living the live of heaven I can only image. 6 years feels like yesterday to me and always will no matter if it is 100 years. I will never forget that day and will never understand it. God needed you because you we so very perfect. I LOVE AND MISS YOU SO MUCH SON AND HAPPY NEW BIRTHDAY IN HEAVEN>>>>I LOVE YOU MOM   

 

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Missing you at the Holidays and forever  / Allison Anderson (Mom)
Son it is the time for the holidays and it is still very hard even if it has been 5 years it feels like yesterday. I miss and love you so much. Life is getting easier to go on and survive but that will never change the feelings of why and the pain of you not being there especailly at the holidays. You were truely my angel and you and Grandma keep looking after us. You always did keep a good eye on Mom. lol....I have been working very hard and I have finally came to accept things in my life I cant change and go on. Dads anger has been contagous if you let it but I have been able to put a stop to it, let him be angry its is life and he is accountable not me. I know that I miss you and Mom so much and I was very lucky to have a mother and a son like I did. Very thankful/. You both taught me alot about life and I want to be just like My Mother and I think I am....I am told every day that I look like her, talk like her and think like her and I am proud. You are always on my mind son there isnt a day that goes by that I dont feel you there and I know that you guide me alot. The girls are getting along so well you would be proud of them and all 5 of the grandchildren you ought to see them son, they are something else. Koda has your temperment and out look on life and Trace and Rae-lee are just like you....impatient and red headed. There are all wonderful in each of there own ways. Boy I could see you giving them all a run for there money what a babysitter you would be and whip them all into shape...lol. Well Mom is better and learning everyday that life is short to be unhappy and that life goes on and it is other people that are at lose. Dad is real sick and I hope that he is getting better so he says who knows. He is in Montana still right now. He has been getting treatments like Mom has I know it has been hard on him but he acts like he can handle it. Funny how things in life makes us realize things uh......Well I sure miss and love you alot Son. I will be missing you as usual and thinking of you every moment. Keep watching over me. I love you XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX     Close

3 day before Thanksgiving 2008.  / Amanda Wren (Little Sister )

Leland,

Just wanted to say I love and miss you tons! Its been 5 1/2 years now and the pain is still like the day that you left!!! I wanted to say that I am thankful to have had you in my life for 23 years. Wish you were here to see the kids...you would be proud! Give me the strength to live my life everyday and to feel like I always have a purpose here! Still dont understand and I know that I never will. Help Dad to know and understand to. That way just maybe he can have a relationship with me and his Grandchildren before he goes. You know the pain of how HARD he is sometimes. HAPPY THANKSGIVING! I love you always and forever! I will think of you and Grandma together up there on this day!!!

 

Love Always

Your baby sis!!

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3 day before Thanksgiving 2008.  / Amanda Wren (Little Sister )

Leland,

Just wanted to say I love and miss you tons! Its been 5 1/2 years now and the pain is still like the day that you left!!! I wanted to say that I am thankful to have had you in my life for 23 years. Wish you were here to see the kids...you would be proud! Give me the strength to live my life everyday and to feel like I always have a purpose here! Still dont understand and I know that I never will. Help Dad to know and understand to. That way just maybe he can have a relationship with me and his Grandchildren before he goes. You know the pain of how HARD he is sometimes. HAPPY THANKSGIVING! I love you always and forever! I will think of you and Grandma together up there on this day!!!

 

Love Always

Your baby sis!!

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Happy Birthday Leland  / Denise Kneale (connected by angels )

Have a wonderful Birthday dear Leland, celebrating with all our Angels and lighting up our skies tonight.  Please leave your dear family small signs of your love, peace and strength. Love Never Dies.

Love and Blessings Denise mum to James and Daniel. http://james-kneale.memory-of.com xxx

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Happy Birthday  / Jo-Ann Pacenta Lauren's Mom (Angelfamilies)
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Hi Babe  / Allison Anderosn (Mother)
Hello Son: I am sure missing you alot. There is not asecond that goes by I dont think of you.  It never gets any easier as everyone said it does. It only gets harder. Its been almost 5 years and it seems like yesterday. I often wonder who your wife would have been or what your children would of looked like and then reality hits me and thank god I didnt have to go threw that pain...you must of 
known what you were doing Son. Take care of Mom in Heaven Son I know you will make her laugh. It is so hard to go to the grave site as I stay in a bad deppression for a long time Son, I know you understan. I know you wouldnt want me to grieve the way I have but I cant help it. You were and angel then I just didnt understand why you had to leave me and go to heaven. Maybe god had other plans. But we will meet again son.....real soon. Moma love and misses you so much. Watch over me and the girls son....xoxoxo
Love Moma  Close

Its almost Christmas Son  / Allison Anderson (Mother)
Well Leland:
Its almost one of your favorite times of year. Moma miss you so much and was laughting and trying to act like you the other day. But there is no one that can act like you did. I was telling someone how you used to impersonate anyone and everyone and how good your were at it. Well Son look for Tiffany in heaven Jessicas youngest daughter as she was sent to be with you in heaven she also lost her life in an auto accident. So look over her and make her laugh as you always did the rest of us. We had a real bad storm and we have been without electric for almost a week. But I am sure you have been checking on us. I cant still bear to put up a Christmas tree since you and grandma Mary left us it is not the same. Maybe one day. Well I love you son and miss you so much ....xoxox Love you Moma Close

Just always missing you and thinking of you SON  / Allison Anderson (Mom)
Hi Leland:
Mom wanted to write to tell you how much I miss and love you. You are always on my mind. There is not a second that goes by that I dont think of you. It is so hard for Mom to go to the grave because I cry for days and weeks and stay depressed. Everyday I have to tell my self that I will see you again real soon. You brought me so much laughter and joy and always kept the girls in line and I love you for that and miss you. Your heart was gold and so pure to me. I remember so much fun and laughter we had. And no one ever eats the left over since you have been gone son. Goolosh Would have never stayed in the ref after 2 days now it is so hard to make. You are not here to eat it. Cheese I know you loved so everytime I see it in the store A tear falls. I miss you so much son and life will and has not been the same since you left us. I will never understand why and I ask God everyday why he didnt take me. He needed your laughter in heaven and knew that My mom and your grandma was going to be joining you soon so he made the way clear for her. I know you are with her now but I am jealous and want you both to my self. I miss you all so. You are and angel and was always so take your wings and look after mom because someday soon I will meet in heaven again. I love and miss you son. Close

JUST WANTED TO SAY I LOVE YOU  / Allison Anderson (MOM)
I LOVE YOU SON Close

To My Son  / Allison Anderson (Mom)
Leland:  If only I could touch you again and If only I could hear your voice, if only I could see you again and if only could I kiss you. I miss you so Much so. I know it has been 4 years but it feels like yesterday. But the missing and the pain doesnt give up. If only is words and they will never bring you back but we will meet again. I miss all the laughter that you brought to us. The girls are good and their children have grown you would be so proud of them. You always taught me alot about life and living son and it is so hard you always had the right words. I miss the words. ALOT. If only I could bring you back again. But I know that isnt possible. you are in a much better happier place than I and I will join you someday soon. I love and miss you alot. Mom Close

Happy Birthday My Son Leland  / Allison MOM HAPPY BIRTHDAY SON (XOXOXOXO LEE LEE RAY )
Leland Ray:  Happy Happy Birthday. You would have been 28 yrs old today. I am sure missing you alot. I will always be there in your heart and in mine. It seems like life isnt getting any easier son. I know you would not want me to grieve this long and this way but I cant help it. I just want you and Mom back I am so selfish I guess because I know you both are in a better place and are happy.
Amanda has cried all night long she is missing you and gizzy her dog was carried  away by an Oel or a coyote it seems like anything we love we lose. I will never understand it.  Takoda had his surgery and sis real well you would have loved him son he is real onry jusst like you ha....he likes to joke alot....You would have loved all 5 kids Leland you were such a good uncle. I thank God he gave me you for a short time I couldnt imagine life without you son. 
I remember 28 years ago when they brought you in and I said is that my son he has red hair and it was. You were so handsome. You were tiny and I held you so. My son I had alot of plans that I never got to fullfill but in heaven we will try again. At times I feel like everyone has forgotten and then someone comes along and reminds me. I have a hard time going to Sallisaw at first it was no problem but as time goes by the pain is so intense and I really dont think it will ever go away. it might lessen but will never go away. My life has changed so much so and nothing is the same. The lose of you and Mom has tore me down and I stay so angry, hurt and powerless and you know me I should be in control Leland. Have a happy, wonderful birthday today son and I know mom, Meme, Carolyn and grandpa will be there to celebrate and most of all Jesus. I wish I was there to but I know my time is getting shorter and I will see you all soon. I will be 49 yrs on in 2 days and I sure fill it Son. I love and miss you so so much words cant even say. HAPPY BIRTHDAY SON>    XOXOXOX  Close

What My Son Has Taught Me  / Mom
What My Child Has Taught Me

I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't.
I've learned that learning to forgive takes a lot of practice.
I've learned that friends can become strangers, and strangers can become friends.
I've learned that ignorance isn't an excuse for the lack of compassion.
I've learned that some people will never, ever - "get it".
I've learned that the community of sorrow is the strongest of all.
I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of minutes.
I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon.
I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you see them.
I've learned that love isn't measured by the amount of time you have with someone.
I've learned that some sorrow is so deep that it has no words. But so is love.

As your heart aches each day, look at the stars as smiles from the many angels that heaven holds. Thank you for touching my heart, you will be remembered in my prayers. 

Author Unknown
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HAPPY 28th Bithday from MOM Missing you so so much  / Allison Anderson Your Mother (I love you so Much Son )
Son:  It is one day before your birthday and you would have been 28 yrs old. It seems like I am still waiting for you to come home and eat dinner. Time doesnt stand still for anyone and I am sure aging Son. I will never understand your Dad I wonder at times if he ever checks this site but I want you to know that I gave you all of the pictures of your dad and some how I think Amanda gave them back to him because I dont have any to post to this site even. I know that your dad is grieving in his own way and I can only feel his pain because the pain is so unbearable for me so I can try and understand son. I know that you would have probly been married by now and had kids and I often wonder if you would have had a son that looks like you but I know you wouldnt have named him after you because you hated that and wanted to be called Lee because everyone always mixed you and your dad up. I sure miss all the laughter that you brought to us Leland and all of the comforting times and telling me not to get up set and when I cook there is no one to eat the left overs. I know you are in heaven with Mom now Leland and you are taking care of her and Meme till I get there and believe me my heatlth isnt good so I know it wont be long. I can only say that I am so proud of you son and wish you were here to sit and talk to Mom like we used to. You made me proud and I am so gald you were my son and I could show you off to everyone. If only you knew all the pain I have gone thru and all the moments that I have thought of you and all of the tears I have had it would be a river. I love you and miss you so much son so I alalways had to be the first to say Happy Birthday to you.....Love Mom
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Happy Birthday Leland  / Denise Kneale (connected by angels )

Happy Birthday Leland, hope you find my James and his 4 buddies who will celebrate with you and then light up our skies.
Keep your wings wrapped around your dear family, so they may feel your peace.
Love and Blessings Denise mum to James. http://james-kneale.memory-of.com xxx Close

A Mothers Grief  / Mother I. Love You SON (Missing U so Much )
A Mother's Grief
by
Kelly Cummings

You ask me how I'm feeling,
but do you really want to know?
The moment I try telling you
You say you have to go

How can I tell you,
what it's been like for me
I am haunted, I am broken
By things that you don't see

You ask me how I'm holding up,
but do you really care?
The second I try to speak my heart,
You start squirming in your chair.

Because I am so lonely,
you see, no one comes around,
I'll take the words I want to say
And quietly choke them down.

Everyone avoids me now,
Because they don't know what to say
They tell me I'll be there for you,
then turn and walk away.

Call me if you need me,
that's what everybody said,
But how can I call you and scream
into the phone,
My God, my child is dead?

No one will let me
say the words I need to say
Why does a mothers grief
scare everyone away?

I am tired of pretending
as my heart pounds in my chest,
I say things to make you comfortable,
but my soul finds no rest.

How can I tell you things
that are too sad to be told,
of the helplessness of holding a child
who in your arms grows cold?

Maybe you can tell me,
How should one behave,
who's had to follow their childs casket,
watched it perched above a grave?

You cannot imagine
what it was like for me that day
to place a final kiss upon that box,
and have to turn and walk away.

If you really love me,
and I believe you do,
if you really want to help me,
here is what I need from you.

Sit down beside me,
reach out and take my hand,
Say "My friend, I've come to listen,
I want to understand."

Just hold my hand and listen
that's all you need to do,
And if by chance I shed a tear,
it's alright if you do to.



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He Only Took My Hand Son  / Allison Anderson (MOTHER)
He Only Took My Hand

Last night while I was trying to sleep,
My son's voice I did hear.
I opened my eyes and looked around
But he did not appear.
He said, "Mama you've got to listen,
You've got to understand,
God didn't take me from you, Mama,
He only took my hand.
When I called out in pain that night,
The instant that I died,
He reached down and took my hand,
And pulled me to His side.
He pulled me up and saved me
From the misery and pain.
My body was hurt so badly inside,
I could never be the same.
My search is really over now,
I've found happiness within.
All the answers to my empty dreams
And all that might have been.
I love you so and miss you so,
And I'll always be nearby.
My body's gone forever,
But my spirit will never die!
And so, you must go on now,
Live one day at a time.
Just understand-
God did not take me from you,
He only took my hand."
Author Unknown


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